(And the gorgeous close up of my surprised face and BB's Sleeper's with my pen in her paw and mouth won't display... sigh.)
Slowtyper wrote, "The living could learn a lot from the dead; unfortunately, by the time they come face to face, it is generally too late." (I did add proper punctuation, since NANO's are rough drafts...)
"You can't blame a writer for what the characters say." - Truman Capote
Loss of Vocabulary Words I Used to Have/Know
1. Medicine/Medical. the inability to name objects or to recognize the written or spoken names of objects.
Lilian’s anomia, her problems with finding words, had increased, too. When I showed her some kitchen matches, she recognized them at once, visually, but could not say the word match, saying, instead “That is to make fire.”
-- Oliver Sacks, The Mind's Eye, 2010
Anomia entered English in the early 1900s and is a New Latin construction. It's a combination of the Greek a- meaning "not, without," the Latin nōmen meaning "name," and the suffix -ia, which is often added onto words to denote a name of a disease.
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday Days? I don’t remember.
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Bedtime? Who needs it?
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day...
Question: What's retirees’ biggest gripe?
Answer: Not enough time to get everything done. Nobody free to play with.
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.
Question: What do retirees consider formal attire?
Answer: In company: Tied shoes. Alone: un-ironed birthday suit.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for a senior who still works and refuses to retire?
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there. Or move back in there ...
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal ...
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending spiked Coffee Break!
Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
(educational discount on your new Apple.)
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he worked with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
And, my very favorite....
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, “How old was your husband?”
“98,” she replied. “Two years older than me.”
“So, you're 96,” the undertaker commented.
“Hardly worth going home, is it?”
Reporters were interviewing a 104-year-old woman.
“And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” one reporter asked.
“No peer pressure.”
One nice thing about being senile is hiding your own Easter eggs .
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts;
Have bouts with dementia;
Have poor circulation; can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore;
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92;
Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God,I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
An elderly woman, deciding to prepare her will, told her preacher she had two final requests: First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
“Wal-Mart?” the preacher exclaimed. “Why Wal-Mart?”
“Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.”
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,
For fast relief.
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.
Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing.
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh, heck, give it to a bunch of your friends, if you can remember who they are!
25 years ago, we had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, & Bob Hope. Now we have Obama, no cash & no hope. (Must be a Republican...)
Admit it: Life would be so boring without me.
"Alchemists tried for centuries to turn base metals into gold. Every time we sit down and put words on paper, we succeed where they failed. We're conjuring something out of nothing." ~ author Jonathan Stroud in his NANO pep talk,
And though she be but little, she is fierce. ~Will Shakespeare.
Aunt: Like a mom, only cooler.
Back off: I have a DIDTER, and I’m not afraid to use her!
Because someone we love is in heaven, there is a little bit of HEAVEN in our home.
Branch managers (four owls on a yellow tree limb)
Dammit Doll - made of cotton poly, 12” tall, yarn top. It’s therapeutic! Get say “dammit!” Poem attached: Whenever things don’t go so well
And you want to hit the wall and yell,
Here’s a little Dammit doll,
That you can’t do without.
Just grasp it firmly by the legs
And find a place to slam it;
And as you whack the stuffing out
Yell, “Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!”
Do not touch my tools or my daughter.
Do you want to speak to the Doctor in charge or the nurse (printed on the horizontal arm of a white cross on a red background) who knows what is going on?
Does running late count as exercise?
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
Don’t worry about the people who aren’t happy for you; they probably aren’t happy for themselves, either.
Dust bunnies, for the record, do not morph into plot bunnies. Separate species. No hybridization. ~ Judith Tarr
Embrace your inner mermaid.
Excuse me (drawing of a heavily foreshortened dog tentatively pleading); “Are you going to eat that?”
Excuse me (drawing of a shivering squirrel); you’re bird feeder is empty.
Expect a miracle.
Family: Like branches on a tree, we grow in different directions, yet our roots remain as one.
Friendship isn’t a big thing; it’s a million little things.
The Hokey Pokey Clinic: a place to turn yourself about.
Ho Lee Chit
Home is where your story starts (robin on branch beside nest with three blue eggs, depicted on braided blue tones/shades of gray braided rug, 27” diameter.
How blessed I am, how fortunate I’ve been... that you are my daughter-
in-law and also my friend!
I can’t promise that I’ll be here for the rest of your life, but I can promise that I’ll love you for the rest of mine---
I can’t remember if I am the GOOD SISTER or the EVIL ONE.
I couldn’t be fake about anything even if I tried. My facial expressions would never allow it.
I don’t have a shopping problem; in fact, I’m pretty good at it.
I got your back (two stick figures, one missing the straight line between spread arms between the inverted V representing the legs, the other with a vertical line attached to the arm toward the other figure.)
I hate my job (thought bubbles come from a tooth brush. Oh, please! (underscored. thought bubbles arise from a roll of TP with angry eyes depicted by circles around black marble-sized dots with a white edge along the top edge slightly to the right, and a horizontal oval slit of a mouth.)
I Shih Tzu not.
I speak 3 languages: English, Sarcasm, and Profanity. (Not my style...)
If I could guide you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes. Only then would you realize how special you are.
If you have to ask if it’s too early to drink wine... you’re an amateur, and we can’t be friends!
I’m the crazy aunt everyone warned you about.
It is what it is (on a three band genuine leather bracelet.
It was me. I let the dogs out.
"It is perfectly okay to write garbage -- as long as you edit brilliantly." - C.J.Cherryh
Just remember, if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.
Karma takes way too long. I’d rather just smack you right now.
Lead me not into temptation...Oh, hell! Just follow me; I know a shortcut.
Love you more on a throw pillow.
Money doesn’t bring happiness; the beer truck does!
The most fantastic BROTHER (personalized with a name here) is inside this shirt.
The most important thing a girl wears is her CONFIDENCE.
My guardian angel is on overtime tonight.
Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.
Next time you wave, use all of your fingers.
Not all girls are made from sugar and spice and all things nice. I am made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
Oh, the places you’ll go! ~ Dr. Seuss (on a mug with stripes of orange, yellow, turquoise, and pink desert with windblown balloons sailing above. A young chap, whose hair is also windblown, stands atop a chimney of mud in the same color pattern.
Once in a while, someone amazing comes along. HERE I AM. (Not sure if it is part of the shirt’s message, or not, but awhile is written incorrectly all as one word - I cleaned it up here.)
OOPS... Did I roll my eyes out loud?
Popcorn socks, admit one. (typical ribbed socks, red and white striped sack of popcorn, orange ticket)
Q: What’s your favorite beer? A: An open one. (Another mismatch -- Total teetotaler here.)
Real women watch football. (NOT! Substitute Olympian stadium jumping.)
Relax in small and large letters of various colors on a pajama set.
Sisters: different flowers from the same garden.
This is what an AWESOME (DAD/BROTHER/UNCLE) looks like!
Those we love don’t go away. They walk beside us everyday. Unseen, unheard but always near. Still loved, still missed and very dear.
Vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others. ~ Jonathan Swift
Welcome to the porch (on hanging plaque with a cloth hanger with this winning hand painted wildflower greeting)
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile, then we’ll be new friends.
When I was a KID, I wanted to be older... This CRAP is not what I expected.
Where words fail, music speaks.
Yes! I talk to myself. Sometimes I need an intelligent answer.
You and I are sisters. Remember if you fall, I will be there to pick you up.
You cannot be Old & Wise if you were never Young & Crazy
As soon as I stop laughing.
You can’t scare me... I have a daughter!
Take this dare from 8th grade Young Writers Program participant Hajar: "I dare you to start with a blank document and write about whatever comes to mind. If something out-of-nowhere comes up, try to incorporate that with the story you're already writing."
She’s now an indoor-outdoor cat. Her latest new trick is dumpster diving in the kitchen garbage pail. She particularly seeks out broken halves of my morning egg, scouring the innards for any dollop I missed as I dumped it into the red dot fry pan.
She’s more outdoor than in, but when she is in the right mood, she’s delightful. She stole the blue milk cap I tossed to What, Me Worry? and promptly slid it underneath the bathroom scale, which sits in the kitchen, where the floor is tiled instead of carpeted. They pulled that trick the other day. I’d forgotten to check underneath the scale and was quite surprised to see I suddenly weighed 360 pounds!
Every morning I get up and wander into the bathroom for a sit-me-down in the throne room. This morning, what I spotted was a coyote, sitting just beyond the shadow of the house cast by the rising sun looking east. When he did finally get up, he stood at attention, then turned north, trotting steadily toward the hay field gate.
That reminds me that back when I was still employed,