pandemo (pandemo) wrote,

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Bank Questionnaire (3/11/10; WC 695) Q

Bank Questionnaire

The pleasure is momentary,
The position ridiculous,
And the expense damnable.

    -- Lord Chesterfield

Despina approaches the window while Cu seats himself, fixing his gaze on a far off, invisible object three-fourths of the way up the soft violet wall.

"We'd like to make a sperm donation."

"Please fill out this form." Handing a clipboard and a pen to Despina, the receptionist looks back at the magazine she is reading.

Glancing at it, Despina asks, "Do you have a Spanish version?"

Without looking up, she intones, "No."

Despina perches on the chair next to Cu, offering him the clipboard. "Cu?"

He ignores her.

With a shrug, she pours over the blanks, bogging down nearly instantaneously.

"Middle name." Well, not everyone has a middle name. I'll just leave it blank.

"Height." Ah, well, TALL ought to cover it. I doubt they'd think much of the accuracy of "Make a good basketball player."


"Date of Birth." Auh... How about ADULT. How am I supposed to estimate the age of an Indian who has worked outside in a horrid climate his entire life?

"I.Q." Hummm. HIGH. Probably MENSA material if the truth were known...

"Physical defects." Ahmmm. How to describe un hombre recto... NONE OBVIOUS INSIDE OR OUT.

"Will you be entering a profile and making the sperm available? (Free storage with this option.) Photo mandatory for inclusion in catalog." I don't have any money... But, truth to tell, I doubt there'll be much left after the Indians who are entitled to claim his sperm get done. With a photo, I'm sure he'd be quite a money-maker.

"Will there be an egg donation made with this entry?" From whom? His dead wife? That ought to be a trick. NO. And even if the Indians do think we're a duo, I'm not 5-Star rated by Heinlein's system, like he is.

"Provide a description for use by our clients." Arg... well... HONEST, HARD-WORKING, GOOD WITH ANIMALS, THINGS AND PEOPLE, TRI-LINGUAL, PROBLEM-SOLVER. There.

With a satisfied nod, Despina returns the pen and clipboard. She has just gotten seated when the receptionist calls her back.


Approaching the window, she glances at the blank the ultra long fingernail skewers. All the better to scratch you with, my dear, cackle, cackle… "We really need more ah... accurate information."

Despina shrugs. "He's not talking. I feel lucky I got him IN here."

Leaning forward, the receptionist takes her first look at Cu. "Ah, I see. Has he had his DNA work done?"


"Well, we'll do that first. It has to be on file."


Skipping down, she indicates another blank. "Our customers put a lot of stock in the I.Q."

"I don't know.” To keep her unruly mind from inventing another new scenario for the well-known fairy tale, Despina checks for hang nails on her long artificial nail as it points at the blank blank. Almost makes the phrase “scratch your eyes out” look do-able. “I seriously doubt he's ever been tested. But if cross-cultural tests were available, validated for adaptation to HIS culture, I'm sure it would be HIGH, as I've indicated there. I teach two of his children, who both have eidetic memories."

Glancing again at Cu's statuesque visage, pointedly ignoring his worn flannel work shirt and well-faded jeans, she checks the "Free Storage" option. "Well, under the circumstances, I'll authorize the free storage." She hands Despina a thin catalog.

Under the circumstances? Under WHAT circumstances? Despina thinks incredulously. Is being born good-looking a "circumstance"? "Thank you." Despina shrugs away her moral dilemma. That saves me from having to try to convince him to return AFTER payday...

Returning to her seat, Despina flips through the catalog at random. Boy, I didn't know GUYS went in for glamour shots. Look at these vampish poses! My little blurb on Cu sounds positively puerile compared to these puff pieces. It won't be a very big draw.

She's still chuckling over them when a nurse opens the door to the inner sanctum, clip board in hand, and inquires, "Juan Quantico?"

Like an automaton, Cu enters.

Last updated 3/11/10 Corrected glamour to its preferred spelling. 3/5/10 Changed She’s no more than to She has just; 2/28/10 Added new fairy tale and scratch your eyes out comments. 2/27/10 Added “tells”; changed some past tense into present. 2/3/10 Changed bi- to TRI-LINGUAL. 9/11/04.

Word Count: 695
Tags: tsotfw- sc
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