pandemo (pandemo) wrote,
pandemo
pandemo

PatM - Jeremiah - Why Married - (WC 1087) F


INT. HOGRATH FAMILY HOME - FAMILY ROOM

Jeremiah and his father sit in front of the fire in their favorite chairs.

        JEREMIAH
    Please, Dad. I understand your con-
    cern. But, what you don't seem to un
    derstand is that *I* have chosen this
    woman. *She* has chosen me.

        DAD
    You think love, whatever that is, will
    conquer all. The hardships and rocks
    of a relationship are nothing to the
    seaworthiness required of a lasting
    marriage. Trust me; I've been run
    aground on that rocky shore, experi
    enced the boat's break-up beneath my
    feet. Horrifying. Not something I
    want to see my first born and dearly
    loved experience firsthand, up close
    and personal.

        JEREMIAH
    Believe me, I understand. I've spent
    my entire life as far back as I can re-
    member estranged from my birth mother.
    I know how you struggled to overcome
    that sense of failure, of heartbreak.

        DAD
    I thought I'd protected you from all
    that!

        JEREMIAH
    Yeah, well, kids protect their parents,
    too, you know?
    This thing with Obie isn't some ephem-
    eral daydream I'm caught up in. She's
    a deep seep that feeds my drought-
    parched soul.

        DAD
    Your mother and I would have to be
    blind not to see how you two interact
    on an instinctive, gut level. But...

        JEREMIAH
    There are no buts. We have accepted
    the age discrepancy, and the cultural
    misunderstandings that go with it. We
    have worked through all that and so
    much more I can't begin to explain what
    it's been like. It's heady. I'm con-
    stantly giddy. She pushes me in unex-
    pected directions, expands me in mind-
    boggling ways, unintentionally, unpre-
    tentiously. And the sex... I never
    knew it could be like this! Dad, when
    I have to kiss an actress, make love to
    her, for a scene, it's NOTHING compared
    to the real McCoy.
    You should have been a fly on the wall
    the first time I had to do one after we
    were married.

FLASHBACK

INT. PARADISE STUDIO- SOUNDSTAGE

Movie flunkies go about their business on set. JEREMIAH and Pam play a love scene, badly. ROBBIE, one of the producers, watches. Obie, ignoring everything and everyone, faces the wall, typing on her laptop.

        JEREMIAH (V.O.)
    We were filming Pearls Before Swine in
    Europe. You know how she travels eve-
    rywhere with me, then writes on set?
    We'd been at it for five hours, totally
    unsuccessfully. ROBBIE, one of the
    producers, was there, too, so the pres-
    sure to succeed was really high.
    Obie stops typing, registering the same lines of dialog she’d first heard in the early morning. She frowns. She gets up, comes into view of the actors, and stands beside the camera Jeremiah is facing, studying him.

          DIRECTOR
      Cut!

          OBIE
        (mouths privately to
        Jeremiah) What are you doing? You're better than that!

      END FLASHBACK

      INT. HOGRATH FAMILY HOME - FAMILY ROOM

      Jeremiah and his dad still sit in front of the fire.

            JEREMIAH
          (to Dad)
        She should have put one hand on her hip
        and cocked her leg, you know? She had
        that gleam in her eye.

      Flashback

      INT. PARADISE STUDIO - SOUNDSTAGE

      Jeremiah can't get anything out. Pam’s body language registers disgust. ROBBIE comes up behind Obie.

            ROBBIE
          (chides her gently)
        May I request that you not upset him
        any more than he already is? He's
        newly married, deeply in love, and un-
        able to pretend otherwise. Be flat-
        tered.

            OBIE
        May I have a copy of the play book?

      ROBBIE makes it so. Obie retires to her corner, returning in a bit over an hour. She hands him the book.

            OBIE
        I think I can get this show on the road
        with very little rewriting.

      ROBBIE inclines his head toward Obie. The two converse intently, then match satisfied smiles. ROBBIE approaches the director, chats briefly, then wanders over to the food table.

            DIRECTOR
        Okay, we'll try it your way for half an
        hour, or so.

      The director walks over to join ROBBIE at the food table. Obie adds an overhead hand held camera run by BILLIE.

            OBIE
        This is it, kiddies. Last take. Ac-
        tion.

            PAM
        Honey, you know what you can do with...

            OBIE
        CUT!

      Obie puts her hand on her hip and studies Pam carefully.

            OBIE (V. O.)
        Rode hard and put away wet?

            OBIE
        You look horrible! Are you trying to
        upset my bid for the UGLIEST ON SET
        award? Where's my carrot top?

      A red haired grip runs up, grinning.

            OBIE
        Take her to her trailer and stay with
        her. No booze, no drugs, no smoking,
        no sex until those bags under her eyes
        are slept off.

      Are you tough enough to pull that off
      in spite of the fit she'll throw?
            CARROT TOP
        Yes, ma'am!

      Carrot Top takes Pam's arm and soothingly leads her away. BROWNIE comes up to replace him.

            OBIE
        BROWNIE!

            BROWNIE
        Yes, ma'am?

            OBIE
        Another blankety-blank mind reader?
          (grins)
        I'll try to get used to it.
          (grins.)

      Obie and Brownie speak, then he hurries off, calling orders to others. ROBBIE and the director are watching the ruckus, bemused expressions on their faces.

            DIRECTOR
        If I'd even dared hint that I thought
        she wasn't beautiful, she'd have bitten
        my head off.

            ROBBIE
        Obie deflects with humor and self-
        disparagement.

            DIRECTOR
        What's she going to do?

            ROBBIE
        If she runs true to form, turn in an
        Oscar-like performance.

            DIRECTOR
        Surely wasted on this B flick!

            ROBBIE
        She asked for seven line changes, only
        two in already shot territory, and even
        thinks she can insert them with back to
        the camera, already in the can footage.
        She edits, too. Damn good at it, but
        don't tell her I said that. You know
        the JEREMIAH HAYFIELD piece? That's
        hers... She gave us a G, PG-13, PG-17,
        R, X, and XXX version, then suggested
        publishing the XXX in Europe and making
        America beg to show it!
        So, she holds the distinction of being
        the first to get XXX rated R and shown
        in America. Plot based nudity, she
        labeled it. Preserving dramatic integ-
        rity, she insisted. She's unbeliev-
        able.
        When a scene's removal deletes the plot
        line along with it, whatever is inher-
        ent in the scene is indispensable, she
        argued. True, if Leche licking Jere-
        miah's bare, pumping butt were deleted,
        all that's left is the upper part of
        Jeremiah pumping above a field of uncut
        alfalfa while a band of mares stand
        nearby, gawking. I attended the origi-
        nal event, enjoying it immensely, but I
        have to admit, the filmed version is
        ten times better! Even the G version
        is exceptional, and very funny.

      END FLASHBACK

      Last updated 11/28/09 Removed thirty-three year since I think that age gap conflicts with an earlier gap I’m to lazy to look up right now.

      Word Count: 1087
Tags: patm
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