bouncyINT. JEREMIAH'S HOLLYWOOD MANSION - EARLY EVENING
Jeremiah ropes Obie into attending a party with him up in the hills following their Live on Larry King appearance. Obie, who neither drinks nor smokes, abhors recreational drugs and their users, and knows only Jeremiah, is reluctant to go.
- JEREMIAH
I won’t take anything. I promise.
Obie has not considered that he might have substance abuse problems. Web images of him in formal evening dress with droopy eyes flit through her brain.
(montage?)
Obie examines Jeremiah's face carefully as she composes her speech.
- OBIE
a social setting. You may not be able
to control the situation. When we en-
ter, you give me the car keys. If
you’re still running unimpaired when we
leave, I’ll gladly return them.
- JEREMIAH
don’t, you won’t go? That’s blackmail!
- OBIE
That’s called protection. That’s
called making contingency plans to
cover likely case scenarios. I’m sorry
you find it offensive, but it is non-
negotiable.
I know I’ll only be drinking ice water.
If the situation gets dicey, I can
leave. If you aren’t ready to go, with
the keys, I can still leave. If you
need a ride later, you can pick up the
phone and call. I’m a light sleeper,
and I won’t be impaired. You’ll be as
assured as you can be in this life of
getting home safely.
I’ve been my friends’ designated driver
for more years than that label has been
in use, since before you were born, I'm
sure. I’m comfortable in that role,
and don’t have to stretch to play that
part.
Truth to tell, old people need their sleep.
EXT. HOLLYWOOD MANSION – PARKING LOT – EVENING
Obie and Jeremiah sit in his red Jag in a parking lot full of exotic vehicles. Many have chauffeurs.
INT. JEREMIAH’S CAR
- OBIE
if I tried to claim I wasn’t impressed.
There must be a poor country’s yearly
annual income sitting in this parking
lot alone.
- JEREMIAH
- OBIE
happy in my down home style flowered
blouse and jumper. Consider it a re-
verse fashion statement - my polite
declaration that I find them to be
overdressed, overly smug pompous asses.
Jeremiah cringes.
- JEREMIAH
EXT. HOLLYWOOD MANSION – PARKING LOT
Jeremiah opens his car door.
- JEREMIAH
about us, if they aren’t already.
INT. JEREMIAH’S CAR
Jeremiah removes his legs, turning back to talk to Obie.
- JEREMIAH
to be bad publicity. If people are
talking about it, that’s a plus. Keep
your eye out for a potential Despina.
Obie takes out a notebook and writes in it.
- JEREMIAH
- OBIE
need to in this situation, I plan to
cheat.
Jeremiah responds to the rush of tenderness he feels by leaning over and kissing the top of Obie’s head before exiting the car.
EXT. HOLLYWOOD MANSION – PARKING LOT
Jeremiah opens the car door on Obie’s side.
- JEREMIAH
Jeremiah reaches for Obie’s arm. Obie easily accepts his help, in contrast to her former prickly behavior that is her first response to chivalry.
- OBIE
- JEREMIAH
accidentally enjoy yourself.
- OBIE
- JEREMIAH
and not enjoying yourself since before
I was born.
INT. HOLLYWOOD MANSION
Jeremiah greets person after person with warm hugs and kisses. To Obie’s eyes, a goodly proportion of them are intimidatingly beautiful women.
They Stole My Car plays in the background throughout the ground floor, under the hubbub of conversation.
OBIE pauses, surveys the guests packed wall to wall, all apparently with Champaign glasses in their hands.
Liveried servants pass canapés and trays of drinks through the guests. Seating is nearly nonexistent. Knots of conversation constantly swirl together and break apart.
- OBIE
my scene.
Jeremiah reaches into his pocket and hands over his keys.
- JEREMIAH (CONTINUOUS)
you’re enjoying it. I have an image to
protect here. Believe that everyone
saw Larry King Live and now know we are
engaged.
Obie, so un-Hollywood, is the object of much curiosity.
Jeremiah collects Obie in one long arm and tucks her securely against his side.
- OBIE
- JEREMIAH
- (to Obie)
dios.
- (to Mr. Biggler)
ers. She’s got the property I’m so in-
trigued with that I’m planning on it
being my next role.
Mr. BIGGLER eyes Obie’s apparel pensively.
- MR. BIGGLER
your companion is all dolled up for the
occasion.
- OBIE
fortably attired. I work at home.
Alone. My words speak for me. I have
no pretensions of finding my face on
the silver screen. The only reason I’m
in a dress at all is out of respect for
Jeremiah.
- JEREMIAH
attire on Larry King today. She went
bilingual and got laughs in both lan-
guages. She even befriended Pam, who
was predisposed to hate her guts.
Larry quickly backed off from her, too.
He’d throw out a conversation stopper,
and she’d run with it, handing him back
a proposal he didn’t dare refuse. She
grabbed over thirty minutes of air time
instead of the five we were slated for.
She hijacked his audience. She’s amaz-
ing.
- MR. BIGGLER
Obie touches his arm coquettishly.
- OBIE
I’ll…
Mr. Biggler meets Jeremiah’s eyes.
- MR. BIGGLER
comic genre yourself. Pam said you
even had a Zale’s ring for her in your
pocket.
- JEREMIAH
Mr. Biggler is not pleased, but Jeremiah dares him to deny his choice of brides.
- JEREMIAH
Wednesday morning.
- OBIE
Propinquity and the Mesmerizer. As I
wrote that one, I was constantly visu-
alizing Jeremiah as the leading man.
Jeremiah shrugs disarmingly.
- JEREMIAH
est, and darned if she doesn’t make it
play interestingly.
Jeremiah directs a chagrin grin at himself, lifting his hands in embarrassment.
- JEREMIAH
cially while she’s waving dynamite ma-
terial under your nose.
Mr. Biggler looks pointedly at Obie’s outfit again.
- MR. BIGGLER
to create some buzz.
Jeremiah is distracted by some new arrivals, Robert Redford (ROBBIE) and Harrison Ford (HARRY).
- HARRY
meet someone.
- JEREMIAH
Robbie and Harry. We’ve got to speak
to them. I promised to produce Obie,
here, and introduce her.
- MR. BIGGLER
during that event!
Jeremiah and Obie brush brusquely past people to Harrison and Robbie’s location.
- OBIE
man is a bigot
Jeremiah reaches over to caution Obie.
- OBIE (SIMULTANEOUS)
- JEREMIAH (SIMULTANEOUS)
doesn’t have delusions of power and
riches. He is powerful and rich. He’s
my boss, well, for one more movie, any-
way.
When a waiter with a tray of glasses pauses in front of them, Jeremiah snags two, offering one to Obie.
- OBIE
paired, but not being obnoxious about
it. Where’s the rest room? We can dump
that stuff and substitute water with
none being the wiser.
- JEREMIAH
it and fake sip.
- OBIE
Obie opens her notebook awkwardly and makes a note, spilling some of the liquid in the process. Harry quickly relieves her of the glass, sipping it down a bit for her.
- JEREMIAH
- OBIE
parties.”
Harry, Robbie, and Jeremiah give spontaneous barks of laughter, drawing many interested eyes.
Another partygoer catches Robbie by the arm, drawing him a few feet away and engaging him in an earnest conversation.
Jeremiah leans over and kisses the hair on the top of Obie’s head.
- JEREMIAH
- HARRY
- (to Jeremiah)
this appearance.
- (to Obie)
Harrison holds out his hand to shake. Obie quickly stuffs her notebook away, and shakes awkwardly, pen still in hand.
- OBIE
friends.
- HARRY
- OBIE
Biddy.
Gentle laughter comes from the two gentlemen surrounding Obie.
- HARRY
- OBIE
hilda… Many thanks are due to my mom
for not choosing those for me.
- JEREMIAH
it stands for Old Bit…
Obie rudely cuts him off before he can complete his word.
- OBIE
slander him earlier. Or is it liable
when you speak it? I suppose if I stay
out here a week or so, I’ll become in-
timately acquainted with the differ-
ence.
- HARRY
miah.
Robert Redford finishes his conversation and turns toward Obie, Jeremiah and Harrison.
- HARRY
feathers.
- ROBBIE
Robbie guides her hand to his mouth and kisses it gallantly, a twinkle of amusement in his eyes.
- ROBBIE
- OBIE
cruel. That’s my nom de plume.
When dead silence meets that sally, Obie recovers quickly.
- OBIE
INT. HOLLYWOOD MANSION – DINING ROOM
Robert Redford, Harrison Ford, Josh Hartnett, Jeremiah and Obie are clustered around one table. The detritus of the meal has been pushed off to one side. Obie has pitched The Saga of Travels Far Woman’s four book series. The men are critiquing her performance.
- ROBBIE
book, three is better. If you haven’t grabbed
them by then, you won’t make it.
Obie opens her ever-present notebook and adds notes.
- OBIE
Robbie gives her a wink.
- ROBBIE
- OBIE
lose my big chance?
The friends laugh together.
- JEREMIAH
- OBIE
of these prima donnas willingly wading
through road apples, much less being able to
handle a horse at liberty, in rough mountain
terrain, and over fences bareback.
Robbie stands up, walks past Jeremiah, and hands Obie a card.
- ROBBIE
Personally, I think this project has INDIE writ-
ten all over it.
Robbie places a hand on Jeremiah’s shoulder.
- ROBBIE
pecially once you’re a free agent.
Robbie leaves, stopped by someone at another table.
Jeremiah grins blissfully. He comes down slowly as he watches Josh court Obie.
- JEREMIAH (V.O.)
CU, either. His ancestry is the same as mine.
But, he could be the sheriff…
Jeremiah frowns. Obie instantly looks his way, then puts her hand casually on Josh’s arm, which stops him mid sentence. Josh turns toward Jeremiah, too.
- OBIE
thought he liked you.
- JEREMIAH
the past playing through…
- JOSH
ing engaged was just a stunt. I didn’t realize
that you two really related to each other.
- OBIE
wood does lots of May-December type par-
ings, generally with the sexes reversed, but
this one would be more like January-
December. It’s definitely outré.
Dinner over, the guests return to the crowded conditions of earlier, and Obie quickly tires out.
- OBIE
an escape without causing any harm? I’m
proud of the way you’ve kept clean all night.
Jeremiah nods sadly. She leans up and pecks him on the cheek in a wifely manner as she digs his car keys out of her clutch.
All eyes track her to the front doors. Jeremiah watches with a plastic smile and gives a jaunty wave as she exits.
- OBIE
miah)
Obie leaves.
Jeremiah aimlessly wanders through the partygoers, talking listlessly. Harrison steps to his side.
- HARRY
cares what people think?
Jeremiah turns and sprints toward the door.
EXT. HOLLYWOOD MANSION – PARKING LOT
Jeremiah runs flat out toward his jag as it sits waiting to turn out onto the highway. He opens the door, leaning in.
- JEREMIAH
for the night.
Jeremiah holds out his hand and Obie promptly deposits the keys in it. They smile at each other.
INT. JEREMIAH’S CAR
- JEREMIAH
sips.
After turning on the reading light for the passenger side, Obie opens her notebook.
- OBIE
seven pages of names, all of whom will feel
hurt when I don’t show a speck of recognition
the next time I see them! And if they’re
dressed differently, or have changed their
hair, style or color, I won’t stand a prayer!
- JEREMIAH
morning and ask her to attach photos to
hem.
Obie gives an undignified snort.
- OBIE
of their top films, too, I suppose?
- JEREMIAH
best course of action.
- OBIE
stunt double? They’d be more likely to have
the skill set we need…
- JEREMIAH
learn to talk?
- OBIE
Obie’s shoulders slump.
- JEREMIAH
some actresses who can ride.
Last updated 11/27/09 Added , abhors recreational drugs and their users,; 11/25/09 (mouths words to Jeremiah); Changed I owe you two an apology. to both; 9/19/09 Rearranged Jeremiah greets person after person with warm hugs and kisses. In Obie’s eyes, a goodly proportion of them are intimidatingly beautiful women.; Changed "I can't remember names." to misremember; I owe you two an apology. to both; 8/23/09 Removed more interjections, following Truth to tell, dropped rest of sentence, moved it to replace Besides, in new paragraph. 6/20/08. Dropped interjections. (Too cheery. Go to incident where cops are there to raid? He imbibes after Mr. Biggler threatens him? She dumps stuff – off duty cop watches her get water from restroom and dump dope J. has been given?)
Word Count: 2471
Reading Level: 5.1
