Music:Arhóntissa (Princess of my heart) -- Agnes Baltsa
PatM - Catting Around (WC 463) F
INT. HOLLYWOOD BANQUET - SIDE ROOM - DINNERTIME
At the head table, a famous actor approaches the mike.
Welcome to the Larry King Live show, on this auspicious day, renowned as Dr. Seuss's birthday.
Obie, Robbie and others at their table ignore the official hoopla.
There's an old saying: If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. I'm about as far from the kitchen as it's possible for a woman to get. Most men, given my physical charms, are perfectly content to leave it like that. So, what are you doing?"
Don't sell yourself short. Some men like tall and willowy, look good on the arm; others prefer soft and pillowy, smile full of charm, according to my grandmother. I have to admit, when I'm not on screen or stage, I agree.
And the age discrepancy?
Men die off sooner.
Don't you feel you're overdoing it a bit? My female ancestors have been consistently making it into their early 90's... Assuming my lifespan will run about the same, you'll be what? 50 something by then?
Come sit on my lap.
OBIE slips into an imaginary Larry King Live segment.
SWT (Sweet Young Thing, a tall, thin, 20 something, obviously foppish version of JEREMIAH) flashes a mega-wattage “come hither” smile at OB (Old Battle-axe, sometimes known as Old Bat, obviously a campy version of OBIE).
No way! I’m far too fat!
If I did that,
You’d probably sue me for squashing you flat
As the proverbial pancake.
SWT reaches for OB as he speaks, pulling her unceremoniously into his lap. flirting outrageously as the audience laughs at the incongruous sight.
Harrumph! I can take it!
(howls delightedly with laughter)
(turns toward SWT)
Oh, how awful!
OB pokes all ten fingers into SWT’s rock-hard chest.
Now you’re a waffle!
OBIE gives a shiver as she mentally re-enters the real world.
No way! If I did that, you'd probably sue me for squashing you flat as the proverbial pancake.
Sliding over to her bench, JEREMIAH pulls her smoothly into his lap. OBIE, facing him, stiffens all ten fingers and pokes them into his chest.
Oh! how awful! Now you're a waffle.
Courtesy of Dr. Seuss, I presume.
Short story titles a la Seuss. The Awful Waffle, a story where the MC's inability to make up his mind leads to Dire Consequences.
My mind is made up. It's yours that hasn't accepted the inevitable, yet.
You forget; I already have a full time job. Second title: Resolutely Resisting Reading, where the eighth graders hold fast to their hard-won ignorance in spite of NCLB's best practices.
Last updated 11/28/09 Corrected names, spacing; dropped lines added to Hollywood Event; integrated Still Catting Around material.