pandemo (pandemo) wrote,
pandemo
pandemo

Good Contrast -- Uneven Writing Skills



Heather Graham, in Tall, Dark, and Deadly:
p.1 (First line.)
The swamp was deadly.

p. 386
Outside, it was cold. Inside, a fire raged. Champagne cooled in a bucket, there was a hot and inviting Jacuzzi... (Note run-on, using the , when it should be a ; )

p.388 (Last paragraphs)
And he knew (that) they had talked enough. The future would wait.

He swept her into his arms.

The fire crackled in the hearth.

The ice melted in the bucket.

Their future was beginning.

In The Awakening, end of the first chapter:

Ah, the seduction of it all. The danger. Something forbidden, and thus, ever so tempting, and still...

It seemed (that) she was simply swallowed into the depth of the night.

And the blanket of the swirling blue fog.

(Ed. note: Ah, the incompleteness of it all.)

(Ed. note: They are NOT still in the swamp...)
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