It's now official - she's never had kittens before. She had no idea what was happening to her, and called to me. I went in and petted her briefly, then went back to what I'd been doing, starting another project and getting wrapped up in something that was not of short duration.
She called in her normal, soft voice. SHE SHOUTED. She was on top of the washer, which I'd put a sheet on, ignoring the crate with bedding ready that Two-Faced always uses (when she doesn't deposit the first one on my foot...)
I took her carefully to the visitor bathroom, spreading the sheet in the far larger bathtub (although she's twice Two Faced's size, she is NOT too big for the bath tub...) I sat on the side, reaching in and soothing her. From 11:30 to around two before she did more than leak various fluids. She passed one thing smaller than my thumb, hairless, pink (not the color of afterbirth) that was shaped like a pig's snout. She ate it in two-three bites when she finally got it expelled. In between straining, she tried to clean up the sheet by licking at the bloody places.
Another hour passed. She shot out a huge volume of water, ejecting it completely over her hind legs and tail without getting them wet - a good foot. I'd talk to her, pet her gently, stroke her back or belly, whichever she seemed to want, make eye contact when she wanted that, looking as reassuring as I could, murmuring in soothing tones, praising her when she strained. I discovered I don't know the cat for push, push.
Every time I'd leave to refill my glass, get a new pen or a new book, she'd climb out of the tub and leap to the sink, then try to climb into the mirror. I finally hung a towel so she'd quit trying to find her friend. I ended up putting boxes over the area before she got so she'd stay.
Once she started with the true labor, that foolishness stopped.
The yellow body finally protruded. It would suck back in, come back out, over and over. When it reached two inches, I could see that it was a tail tucked between two hind legs and a rounded body. When she could get no more out, I took a sheet of toilet paper and wrapped it around my unsterile fingers (no idea if TP is sterile). Gently, I applied downward pressure. Some of the body came out, but not the head. She could not seem to pass the head. I gave up on the sheet of Charmin. Delightfully soft, it was useless - disintegrated. This was NOT the time to run down the hall for a paper towel. I doubt I have the right brand to be the "strong picker-upper.
Crawling partially into the tub, I finally tried to dislodge the head. I had to try three times before I finally got it to pass. I was afraid to use very much pressure, I kept having these horrid sensations where the body and head separated in my hand.
When the kitten was completely out, Bandita began to lick the rear end, which her instinct told her was where she should concentrate (breech birth = head at the other end.) I finally got afraid he'd suffocate, as generally, once the kittens are out, there is noise (assuming they are alive.) Another sheet of TP in hand, I gently cleared the face. No noise. Finally, I pressed very lightly on the rib cage. A weak whimper resulted. I've never been so glad to hear a baby cry in my life! Soon she had him licked clean and fluffy. I popped in off and on to be sure no noise is good noise -- not a disposal problem.
Now she's contentedly lying on the sheet, nursing and licking her kitten. She looks WAY TOO BIG to just have one, but it is nearly 10:30, no other signs of straining. Barely a peep out of her kitten (twice when she changed positions)...