December 28th, 2009


Street Predators Locations

The area of the bus barn in downtown Minneapolis, cerca June, 1963, is the setting, but the actual businesses found there have been morphed into something decidedly other... The streets anchoring the Grayhound Bus Terminal (which now boasts the sign "Bus Your Buns") are not the type you can just blithely cross.

On Dieting -- Wendy Hubbert

While men's appetites are driven by availability, women's are often driven by cravings. A dab of chocolate here, a pinch of sugar there, and some surreptitious midnight Dairy Queen runs lurk behind a woman's oh-so-virtuous bran breakfast, salad lunch, and grilled fish dinner.
    -- Wendy Hubbert, "The skinny on male/female dieting", Redbook, October 1, 2001
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Cast of Characters - Street Predators (4/23/09 WC 228)

Read script to date


Seventh Graders

    SKATEBOARD GIRL #1/MIRIAM - methodical, analytical, practical, good explainer, sense of humor, appreciates the absurd, respectful toward parents, churchgoer, outraged, wants to do things lawfully, boy crazy

    SKATEBOARD GIRL #2/AKIKO (Japanese - Autumn Girl/Bright Child) - good foot soldier

    SKATEBOARD GIRL #3/GLENNA - MC, compassionate, concerned, at least about those in her peer group, resents authority, strong sense of justice, sees the world in black and white terms, strong sense of outrage, a bit of a drama queen, manipulative to get what she wants, forceful personality; poor home environment she rises above. Her personal story and YUPPIE MAN's intertwine. Honors student.

    SKATEBOARD GIRL #4/ARIAL - sensitive, timid, notes details, focused, honor student, worried about reputation

    CENSUS GIRL #1/NAHIDA (Arabic - Brave) - organized, goal oriented, wants results, thinks well on her feet, positive thinker, enjoys making waves

    CENSUS GIRL #2/PIXIE - cheerleader type, charge ahead regardless of consequences

    MALLORY - shy, but determined




    Faiza (Arabic - Victorious)


    YUPPIE MAN/SOAS/Cooper Danielero - MC, actor, fond of hiphuggers, passionate; starts out as a pretty self-centered, self-satisfied jerk, but evolves into a more mature person with a social conscious, good buns mandatory

    Dowdy wife of Old Man wearing low-riders

    Old Man wearing low-riders

    Pedestrians of all stripe (extras)


Family Members

    Tuck - Glenna's 8 year old brother

    - Glenna's older sister, a high school senior

    - Glenna's divorced mother

    - Glenna's mother's live in boyfriend
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Street Predators Disasterous Meal (4/23/09; WC168

Int. Glenna’s House - Supper Table

Tuck, Glenna’s eight year old brother, Glenna, SOAS, and ___, Glenna’s older sister he’s dating, mother, and live=in Boyfriend are eating skinless, boneless chicken breasts and Uncle Ben’s Roasted Chicken Ready Rice, among other things. Tuck, who hates veggies, reluctantly accepts some, even more reluctantly accepts a heaping half cup or the rice. SOAS mimics his behavior by accident.

SOAS, don;t you like rice?

No, I’m fine. I just love it. Isn’t it usually WHITE?

SOAS moves the yellow pile on his plate a bit. Tuck moves a bit of his rice around, finally eating it after catching his mother’s warning eye.

Yuck! I can’t believe I just chased a pile of albino mouse turds around my plate and actually ATE them!

Glenna keeps her head ducked, praying SOAS doesn’t recognize her as the ice cream depositor. SOAS bravely squares his shoulders and takes his first bite of the rice.

There’s no sugar on it!
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Street Predators (4/23/09; WC 1311)



Pedestrians of all sizes and shapes walk at various speeds down a busy street of upscale store fronts.

A girl on a skateboard (SKATEBOARD GIRL #1) jumps the curb and weaves her way through the crowd until directly in front of her is a young yuppie man with low rider jeans, showing lots of butt crack. SKATEBOARD GIRL #1 leans forward, grabs the belt loops on both sides of his hips and jerks down.

Yuppie man is not wearing undies. His buns are very nice. The camera lingers on them briefly as SKATEBOARD GIRL #1 weaves her way onward.

At the corner, CENSUS GIRL #1, equipped with a pencil and note pad, raises her eyebrows at SKATEBOARD GIRL #1 in inquiry.

    One. Peeled. Rating: 7, I guess.

With that, SKATEBOARD GIRL #1 is gone. The street resumes its interrupted flow. Nobody can now identify yuppie man.


A group of seventh grade girls are crammed around the table, drinking bottled water and snacking on carrot sticks.

    The look on his face was priceless. We
    need to make it a city-wide campaign.
    If we are truly going to take back our
    streets, we need to get these “Got it/
    Flaunt it” guys into hiding. Why
    should we be exposed to every crack
    some guy thinks is worthy just because
    it exists?

    Let’s de-pants every butt crack guy in
    a certain area from, say, 3:30 final
    school bell until 4:30 gotta get home
    to study, then publish the results.

      (ad lib assenting comments)


Skateboarders weave and dodge through the crowds, circling their assigned blocks in waves.

    One. Old fart who should have known
    better. His wife was really embar-
    rassed. I bet his crack-exhibiting
    days are done!

Skateboard Girl #1 pumps her arm in the air, then jumps her skateboard over the curb and heads off along another street.

Skateboard Girl #2 skates up from the opposite direction.

    Three. None worth looking at.

Census Girl #1 records the crack census data on her note pad.

        CENSUS GIRL #1
    That’s a record, I think.


Another young girl, CENSUS GIRL #2, flags her third skater on, cheering.

        CENSUS GIRL #2
    Way to go, Glenna! That last guy actu-
    ally fell over his own pants!

SKATEBOARD GIRL #4 approaches, holding her eye.

    What happened to you?

    A young punk slugged me as I de-pantsed
    him... We gotta rethink our strategy
    before they really get a strike-back
    routine organized.

As the girls talk, a POLICEMAN approaches on foot.

    Girls, I’ve been inundated with com-
    plaints of skateboarding girls acting
    uncivilized toward pedestrians. I
    think I just witnessed one such action
    myself. Are you trying to get your-
    selves arrested for indecent exposure?

    We weren’t the ones exposing our butts!
    Why don’t you ARREST THE PERPS, who
    seem to believe that they’ve not only
    GOT IT, but also have the right to
    FLAUNT IT in public, where everyone be-
    hind them on the same street can’t help
    but see their ASSETS? Gross to the
    max. It may damage my psyche, even put
    me off men for life! What are YOU do-
    ing to prevent public indecency?

    We’re not the fashion police. However,
    assaults do fall within our purview. I
    trust I won’t have to take further ac-
    tion, right?

Guilty looks pass between the girls. The policeman takes their faces as their guarantee and walks on, satisfied.


The seventh grade girls have again gathered in the local hang-out, but their corner booth is occupied, so they push two tables together in the middle of the room. Four others join them.

    I still maintain that he’s bluffing.
    He’s not going to arrest ten seventh
    graders, especially not several of us
    top honors students.

    I wouldn’t be so sure. I know my mom,
    for one, would NOT be amused, even
    though she would agree with our cause.
    Just last week, Dad chided a “low
    rider” boy IN CHURCH, who told him to
    mind his own business! Nothing and no-
    where is sacred to these jerks!

    So, what are we going to do now? I
    KNOW we’re having an effect. I had two
    guys who were still in low riders, but
    had added suspenders to their ensemble.

Unnoticed by the girls, young yuppie man and a real “babe” come in, sitting nearby, his backside to them, crack showing.

    We’ll just have to get more adept and
    unhook, then un-pants.
    (Ad lib remarks of assent or negation.)

    I’ll go you one better than that! You
    remember the yuppie hunk I de-pantsed
    the first day out? HE was wearing a
    belt at his waist with leather straps
    connecting to the belt loops on his low
    riders, no undies in evidence. On fur-
    ther investigation, maybe a 7 rating
    on those buns was a bit low. He's gor-

Recognizing his description, Yuppie man’s ear tips turn bright red. He talks a bit louder to drown out the conversation he really would rather his girl of the week did not hear.

    Now's not the time to get all boy crazy
    on us! We’ll need to change our tech-
    nique AND rethink our desire to pub-
    lish, if the police plan to prosecute!
    We honor students don’t want to smear
    our reputations at this early age.

    We’ll just need to see it is published
    anonymously. For a story as juicy as
    this one, it wouldn’t hurt to have some
    video to go with it.

    Don’t be silly! You have to pay actors
    to do the stunts, or get people’s per-
    mission if you’re going to USE it!
    Don’t you remember all that copyright
    stuff we were told about?

YUPPIE MAN again begins to talk to his date overly loudly.

        YUPPIE MAN
    I’m an actor, but the national gross
    income of Nepal wouldn’t be enough to
    entice me into staring in THAT produc-

    Surely NEWS happens to people who are
    NOT asked for permission!

YUPPIE MAN again tunes in.

    I’ll volunteer to unsnap the suspenders
    and de-pants Yuppie man again, then ask
    for permission to video...

        YUPPIE MAN
      (lost in his own inter-
      nal dialog)
    Not in this lifetime, honey!

    Anyone that anxious to show off ought
    to be willing enough, if we can just
    quit blushing long enough to make the
    invite appealingly...

        YUPPIE MAN
    In your dreams!

    Nobody ever listens to me. You all
    just decided in first grade that I was
    a worry wart, and space me off.
      (pouting prettily, but
    We need a new modus operandum. What
    ELSE will discourage premature, pre-
    marital “full disclosure” of the as-

Arial blushes self-consciously as all eyes focus on her.

    I’ve got it! We should all make a de-

    You think BANKING on our BALANCES will
    drive the perps from the street? Get

      (laughing infectiously)
    No, silly! Deposit something in every
    visible crack!

[Authorial aside: I really prefer gaily (in its old “Don we now our gay apparel” traditional sense...) Comments? Have we LOST a meaning of what used to be a perfectly respectable word permanently here? If we insist on using it in its traditional sense, can we rehabilitate/reclaim it? Even if not, does it add a double entendre that is funny, not offputting?]

Glenna gets out, goes to the counter and orders a triple decker cone for both her and Akiko. As she passes Yuppie Man’s table on the return trip, he unintentionally slides his chair back into her path and starts to rise. The cone nearest him is tilted as Glenna tries to avoid a collision. The top ball lands with precision, precisely in Yuppy Man’s butt crack. Fade to Act II on a reaction shot. (Director needs to make sure the damning dialog -- which Yuppie man and other girls heard, but not Glenna or his date -- precedes a clearly unintentional act.)

Last updated 8/14/08 Added to his girlfriend; changed the to us; changed ice cream dropper to Glenna; made directions to the director more specific. ( 8/4/08 - Changed Evian to bottled; reversed (thinks) and (lost in his own internal dialog); continued story to end of Act I. (7/9/08, Changed “thirteen- or fourteen year old” to “seventh grade”; removed “Nahida is again recording the crack census data.”; added “Census Girl #1 records the crack census data on her notepad.“; added “Four others join them.”; continued story to Act II start. 7/8/08 Reworked name policy. When talking in a group of friends, use names. When on the street, use job labels. Added boy crazy material. 7/7/08 - Script format work; 7/2/08 continued from “no undies in evidence. ”6/30/08 continued at dr.'s office; - 6/29/08, continued story - 6/28/08 Policeman's speech ended in purview).

Word Count: 1311
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