October 8th, 2006


Living Vicariously

My step dad, not to be outdone, submitted to me a hysterical version of his courtship of my mother, which I posted the same day, suitably embellished with titillating comments to engender LAUGHTER from him -- sort of a huge dollop of happiness to brighten the day.

It worked! My outrageous comments caused mother to say during her Saturday call, "We're still laughing." Indeed, I could hear manly chuckles emanating from the other room during the conversation. "I laughed until my THIGHS ached!" she informed me at one point.

"Are you sure that was caused by LAUGHTER?" I rebutted innocently. (The loving couple is in their early 80's and have been married 20 years now.) Needless to say, the laughter did NOT stop during the call.

MFG then kibitzed from the background, "I'll be sending MORE details shortly." adding a caveat about offending me, as I've always been single, because gentlemen of his age and background worry about the probity of behavior, and are generally careful to show respect to women, whether they deserve it or not.

"Send away! I have to do all this vicariously!" I quipped.

Then she told me about eating onions and a helpful relative, Aunt Rosalie, who tried her best to get G to eat one, too, so the kisses would be equal. In fact, Mom claimed he needed that incentive to finally get AROUND TO KISSING her in the first place, he was so gentlemanly, then gleefully reported that it worked!

She giggled; he chortled.

I'm glad he wasn't swallowing a bite of oatmeal at the time, or it might have gone flying. [He did that once during the phone call, but I can't remember exactly at what point. I'm pretty sure it was earlier. My mother always told us not to talk while eating. I guess that wasn't very thorough advice. She should have said Do not talk or LAUGH while eating, if you are not alone, definitely while your loved ones are on the phone, and especially if the conversation is with relatives, who will SHOW NO PITY!]

Me? I can hardly wait to hear HIS version of the "onion kiss!"

So, I'm relieved to report, THERE IS LIFE AFTER 80, even though it might take a lot of smoke and mirrors to achieve leading man/lady status.

Best Quip from the Bench

Tami Hoag, in Dark Horse has a top-of-the-line defense attorney and a judge at a bail hearing for a defendant suspected of abduction, rape and murder say on page 490:

"Your Honor," Shapiro argued. "This is a gross invasion of my client's person--"

"A colonoscopy is a gross invasion, Mr. Shapiro. Hair and blood samples are so ordered."


Gotta love her!

A Fine Piece of Antique Reasoning

"Virtue and Vice be twin sisters who come running to do the bidding of the same father, Desire. Were there no desire there would be no virtue, and because one man desires what another does not, who shall say whether the child of his desire be vice or virtue? Or on the other hand if my friend desires his own wife and if that be virtue, then if I also desire his wife, is not that likewise virtue, since we desire the same thing?"
    Edgar Rice Burroughs, The Outlaw of Torn, Royal gardener Brus speaking to fencing master Sir Jules de Vac, Chapter 3 of the free on-line Project Gutenburg version

Deep Cleaning = Auditor's Nightmare

You know you've been engaged in deep cleaning when you
• un-bury a multitude of 2004 bills/receipts
• locate more than 10 2003 bills/receipts
• lay hands on more than 2 2002 receipts
• unearth a pile of more than 10 2001 receipts

But the unkindest cut of all is the one lone 1996 receipt!

Pray I get my house CLEANED, *REALLY CLEANED* prior to any tax audits...