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Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
5:57p - Double Jeopardy -- Garrison Keillor


New York, New York,
City so nice
They named it twice
    -- Garrison Keillor, Prairie Home Companion, 1/22/2005, right after an episode of "The Lives of the Cowboys".

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6:26p - Coach with a Head Injury


Right before Christmas vacation started, the football coach, who tears down old buildings on the side, fell to the floor of a building he was working on. Nobody is exactly sure how long he lay there in the cold before he was found by a fellow who was out walking his dog. He'd talked to him on the way out of the house, and stopped to see how much work had been done and maybe say something else ooon the way back. Instead, he saw him lying on the basement floor, unconscious.

He was taken up to Des Moines by helicopter, where he was in a coma and has been in intensive care most of the time. He was moved to a private room for a while, but kept reaching over and removing the IV's and other distructive things, so he had to go back to intensive care. There is NO time frame now for him to recover. He's opened his eyes, and can move the arm and leg on one side, but not the other. He has not tracked when he's moved his eyes, but people who were visiting have convinced themselves that he did. Doctors don't say he has concious control over any of his movements...

Feb. 5th, a soup supper and auction is planned to help defray expenses. All the staff are bringing a salad, and donating what they can for the auction. I don't really have anything else I think might go locally. I thought it over again and again until the deadline Friday, then I donated Coqet's colt, BOYOBOY to the auction for our coach, who has been a friend for years, as well as his wife. I didn't figure I had anything else that locals would appreciate that was going to help them cover intensive care for the forseeable future.

I'm trying to find someone to halter break Coqet's colt before then. I saw his wife, who works for the AEA, right after I'd gotten THREE emails from the school secretary, all basically saying, "Are you SURE???"" I was coming out of the downstairs bathroom, late for class, and L. was there, talking to someone else. I stood there for a bit and she turned toward me. I couldn't believe how much her face has aged since before Christmas... I leaned over to her ear and told her. She started to cry and hugged me, so I cried, too, then ducked out and went back to class. Nobody said a WORD.

I don't think the kids know, yet, but it will be in the local paper and the one in Centerville, as well. I'd rather have kept it quiet. Anyway, I don't want the colt to embarrass me by balling up when he sees OTHER PEOPLE. I thought when Arpeggio and Debe Ser were gone, Coqet and Boy could go in the front yard for a bit. He used to be real easy to catch/lscratch when I had him in my front yard, but that sort of extinguished when others came. Lately, the men he's seen are the VETS, who put nasty-tasting stuff in his mouth and give him shots...

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8:55p - Public School Teacher Arrested -- (no source given, but I about died laughing)


At Phoenix Sky Harbor airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, an FBI spokesperson said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," the spokesman said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, one of the arresting officers said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

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