|Friday, October 24th, 2003|
6:42a - Conspiracy -- Anonymous Over the Internet
(For those who have joined me in the over 50 crowd, in truth or in spirit...)
We Must Stop This Immediately!
Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away.. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection... Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them.. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?
The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!
All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon "everyone" will have to suffer these awful indignities.
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!
PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has caused fonts to be smaller than they once were too!
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9:18p - Bob Hope Quotations (Stolen, of course)
ON TURNING 100 "I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING "I ruined my hands in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them."
ON SAILORS "They spend the first six days of each week sowing their wild oats, then they go to church on Sunday and pray for crop failure."
ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR "Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover.'"
ON GOLF "Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees."
ON PRESIDENTS "I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six."
ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER "When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham.'"
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL "I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."
ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY "Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS "That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom."
ON HIS EARLY FAILURES "I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me."
ON GOING TO HEAVEN "I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."
--Thanks for the memories
from pinkfloyd63 in Classic Film
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