July 5th, 2003


Things To Remember During Street Parades:

I feel a list coming on.

1) Put the horses BEHIND the bands.

2) Road Apples, when fresh, add aroma to the area.

3) Horses tend to bolt when flags flap over their head in the breeze during pauses.

4) If a horse carrying a flag is to be dragged the length of Main Street, it should be the state flag or a club banner, NOT the American flag.

5) Just because a mount will ride down a highway dotted with white vertical lines does NOT mean he will step calmly across horizontal crosswalk lines.

6) Stepping on yellow painted words might seem more perilous than walking beside white dotted lines to a horse.

7) Nervous horses poop.

8) Fireworks overhead are NOT the same as fire crackers underfoot to a horse.

9) Clowns throwing candy to the crowd's children are more enjoyable than clowns pelting a horse's rear with candy.

10) Totally surrounded horses who bolt will head over the top of the SMALLER, less THREATENING obstacles, even though they normally don't like to step on people, who are squishy footing at best.

11.) Semi's horns sound more threatening when the interval separating them from the horse is less
than 10 feet.

12. Just because police/ambulance sirens don't bother a horse in pasture or on a trail ride is no guarantee that they will tolerate the same noise immediately behind them.

13. Horses who have been fed ice cream bars will remove them from hands near their noses, should the opportunity present itself.

14. Full horse diapers LEAK, the same as a baby's would.

15. Carrying a transistor radio at full volume in the rider's pocket on a trail ride is NOT the same as preceding a marching band with flapping banner on Main Street lined with crowds of flag wavers.

16. Horses at a trot hit in the belly by heavy silver serapes may hump up, then do a relatively unsettling buck, especially if a flag flips over their face in the process.

Prim, Proper George Tries For His "Dirty Old Man's" Card!

Event #1
Mom was sitting in the room with George in the ICU deal after his heart attack when a cute young thing came in to give him the list of do's and don't's for when he left. When she got to the place where she said, "No sex for 3 months." George immediately shouted, "SIX Months!"

Mom spent some time with niece Sharon, brother-in-law Clyde, and sister Carol on Wednesday. Husband George came in about ten after getting his report on his blood test.

His doctor is the daughter of a lady who was a close friend of Rosemary's.

"I know you!"

Even though that was at least twenty years ago, they recognized each other.

He was sitting there perfectly matter-of-fact-ly at our luncheon telling how the lady doctor checked this and that, ending with "and she pushed, and pushed on the area below my tummy."

Mom quickly came back with, "She Did What?"

"I liked it," George shyly added.

Clyde immediately said, "What's her name?"

Words To Live By -- Unknown (Collection)

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Baseball is wrong: a man with four balls cannot walk.
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