pandemo (pandemo) wrote,

On Insults

You know any blockheads? Brickheads? Plain stupid idjits? Or are you one yourself?

A mental midget with the IQ of a fence post.
- Tom Waits

A wit with dunces, and a dunce with wits.
- Alexander Pope

Differently clued.
- Dave Clark

Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
- Josh Billing

End of season sale at the cerebral department.
- Gareth Blackstock

Has the mathematical abilities of a Clydesdale.
- David Letterman

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
- Abraham Lincoln

He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.
- Robert Redford

He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
- Billy Wilder

He is brilliant - to the top of his boots.
- David Lloyd George

He is so stupid you can't trust him with an idea.
- John Steinbeck

He is useless on top of the ground; he aught to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.
- Mark Twain

He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it.
- Joseph Heller

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
- George Bernard Shaw

He knows so little and knows it so fluently.
- Ellen Glasgow

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
- Groucho Marx

He never chooses an opinion; he just wears whatever happens to be in style.
- Leo Tolstoy

He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
- John Ruskin

He used statistics the way a drunkard uses lampposts - for support, not illumination.
- Andrew Lang

He was born stupid, and greatly increased his birthright.
- Samuel Butler

He was distinguished for ignorance; for he had only one idea and that was wrong.
- Benjamin Disraeli

His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons.
- Robin Williams

His ignorance covers the world like a blanket, and there's scarcely a hole in it anywhere.
- Mark Twain

His ignorance is encyclopedic.
- Abba Eban

His mind is so open - so open that ideas simply pass through it.
- F. H. Bradley

His mind is so open that the wind whistles through it.
- Heywood Braun

I want to reach your mind - where is it currently located?
- Ashleigh Brilliant

I would not want to put him in charge of snake control in Ireland.
- Eugene McCarthy

Next-day delivery in a nanosecond world.
- Van Jacobson

No more sense of direction than a bunch of firecrackers.
- Rob Wagner

She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit.
- W. Somerset Maugham

She's descended from a long line her mother listened to.
- Gypsy Rose Lee

Stay with me; I want to be alone.
- Joey Adams

Teflon brain (nothing sticks.)
- Lily Tomlin

That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting.
- Douglas Adams

They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.
- Thomas Brackett Reed

Useless as a pulled tooth.
- Mary Roberts Rinehart

What's on your mind? If you'll forgive the overstatement.
- Fred Allen

When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?
- David Letterman

You look into his eyes, and you get the feeling someone else is driving.
- David Letterman

You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.
    -- Groucho Marx

You're not an asshole... you're the entire ass.

Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.

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